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Полная версия: Шутки, скороговорки, пародии, опечатки
Частный клуб Алекса Экслера > I'm glad wir sprechen sie the same lingity
Страницы: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Чудище
10 апреля 2006, 13:08
Do you live еще, моя старушка?
Live и I. Hello тебе, hello!
Let it flow over your избушка
Evening свет in our big село.

I am told, что ты, тая тревогу,
Miss me шибко under lonely moon,
Что ты often ходишь на дорогу
In old-fashioned second-hand шушун.

And you see в вечернем синем мраке
Holy Jesus, same shit — oh, Gosh! —
That somebody мне в кабацкой драке
Саданул под сердце Finnish нож.

But relax, родная! Успокойся.
This is only тягостная бредь.
I am not a f###ing alcoholic,
Чтоб, тебя не видя, умереть.

I am still такой же очень нежный,
And I dream, my darling, лишь о том,
Чтоб скорее from тоски мятежной
To get back in низенький наш дом.

I'll return, когда раскинет ветви
Our garden — старый белый сад.
But I bet you, mama, на рассвете
Wake me not like восемь лет назад.

Do not wake того, что отмечалось,
Don't excite того, что не сбылось, —
Слишком early losses and усталость
To experience мне привелось.

Don't teach me how to pray. Не надо!
To the old возврата больше нет.
You're my only помощь & отрада,
You're my only несказанный свет.

So forget about your тревога,
Не грусти and I shall come back soon.
Don't go so often to дорога
In old-fashioned second-hand шушун.
_____________________
Алексей Кудинов
Локи
28 апреля 2006, 20:02
Была тут отличная тема, как правильно заметил Чудище, но почила в бозе...
Посему мы ее реанимируем, пришлепаем сюда, и, будем надеяться, тема будет процветать и дальше. smile.gif

С этого все, собственно, начиналось smile.gif
И с этого тоже.

Поскольку тема рассчитана на длительное обитание в границах данного подфорума, для нее действуют следующие правила:

1. Перед написанием поста - проверить, не писали ли об этом же в обеих - архивной и действующей - темах. Боянам - бой!

2. При ссылках на другие источники давать краткие описания (особенно, если ссылка предполагает скачивание громоздких файлов), уважайте чужое время.

3. Обсуждать написанное - можно.

4. Переводить написанное не обязательно, но можно и приветствуется. Вам все равно, вы шутку поняли, а людям, изучающим конкретный данный язык - приятно smile.gif
Marita
12 мая 2006, 02:01
Moon aka Sun
12 мая 2006, 04:22
Кто-нибудь ходил, смотрел? Что там за "Funny video"?
Tambu
12 мая 2006, 10:31

Moon aka Sun написал: Кто-нибудь ходил, смотрел? Что там за "Funny video"?

Старая неплохая шутка. Про субтитры. smile.gif
Локи
13 мая 2006, 21:51

Marita написала: FUNNY VIDEO (~13 Mb) 

Кстати, большая просьба при выкладывании файлов (особенно больших smile.gif) помимо указания размера файла давать краткую сопроводиловку - что такое, о чем речь - вкратце.
Витторини
16 мая 2006, 02:40
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm
Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them
anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there
was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you
moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many
boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine. We pulled his boat
into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the
dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up.
Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a
guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "All
right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to
jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,
looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said,
"Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me.
Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house
and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he
gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says,
"&!%$#! Damn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have
stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I
misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it
out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop
shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning -- OK -- no
problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign... until he asked "So,
is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at
the rig and then back to him and said, "No I'm delivering a bridge ... here's
your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a coworker looked at me and said, "Are you
still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
Moon aka Sun
16 мая 2006, 03:00

Витторини написал: Stupid people

По-моему, совсем не языковая шутка, скороговорка, пародия и опечатка. Вполне можно было перевести на русский и запостить в ЯППВ.
maskerader
16 мая 2006, 11:55
В прошлом треде, кстати, так и не перевели вот эту фразу:

Александр написал: Bufallo! Bufallo bufallo, bufallo Bufallo bufallo bufallo bufallo buffalo Bufallo bufallo.
[...]
Это грамматически правильные предложения на английском языке.

Может, кто тут переведет? Было интересно послушать. smile.gif
mongoose
20 мая 2006, 03:56

maskerader написал: Может, кто тут переведет?

У меня книжка есть, где эта фраза об'ясняется. Дело в том, что Buffalo значит Буффало (город), буффальский (т.е. из Буффало), буйвол и задирать, дразниться. В общем, существительное, прилагательное и глагол в одном флаконе.
maskerader
20 мая 2006, 12:11

mongoose написала: В общем, существительное, прилагательное и глагол в одном флаконе.

О, так гораздо понятнее. Спасибо. smile.gif
mongoose
20 мая 2006, 16:10

maskerader написал: О, так гораздо понятнее. Спасибо.

Правда Buffalo! меня смущает... Это название чего-то, наверное. Телеканала, спортивной команды?..

Сегодня посмотрю перевод...
Tambu
20 мая 2006, 20:27
Старый баян, но "языковой". tongue.gif

A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother... he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."
Liolik
21 мая 2006, 23:45
Набор слов: woman, without, her, man, is, nothing.

А тепреь расставьте знаки препинания.
"Мужской" вариант: Woman withour her man is nothing (женщина без своего мужчины - ничто).
"Женский" вариант: Woman! Without her man is nothing (о женщина! без нее мужчина - ничто).
Чудище
22 мая 2006, 10:39

Tambu написала: The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Что-то смысл ускользает с утра frown.gif
mongoose
22 мая 2006, 19:58

Чудище написал: Что-то смысл ускользает с утра

Думай в направлении "племянники". smile.gif
maskerader
1 июня 2006, 09:49

aik написал:

Теперь совсем все понятно. Спасибо. smile.gif
7_seas
13 июня 2006, 05:17
2006 Employee Rules and Regulations

Dress Code
• It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and, therefore, do not need a raise.
• If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so you may buy nicer clothes, and, therefore, do not need a raise.
• If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and, therefore, do not need a raise.

Sick Days
• We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
• Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Bathroom Use
• Entirely too much time is being spent in the bathroom. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
• After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!

Lunch Break
• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slimfast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Celtic
29 июня 2006, 14:58
A man was sound asleep on a rainy night and was aroused from his sleep by a drunk pounding on his door at 3:00 AM.
His wife says, "Answer the door!".
So he begrudgingly gets up and goes to the door. The guy, slurring his words and obviously drunk says, "I need a push!".
The man says, "It's 3:00 AM. No! I can't help you." And he slams the door. He goes back to bed. And his wife says, "What was that all about?"
The man says, "It was a drunk. He wanted a push. I sent him packing. It's 3 o'clock in the morning. I'm not about to out in the rain at this hour!"
The wife reminded him that they had been in a similar situation and that at about the same hour in the morning, they pounded on a door and got the help they needed. She shamed him and, feeling guilty, he got back up, put on his pants and raincoat and went outside. The guy was nowhere to be seen.
He hollered, "Do you still need help?" "Hey buddy, do you still need a push?"
Off in the distance, he hears a slurred response, "Yeah! I still need a push."
The man says, "Where are you?"
The drunk responds, "I'm over here on the swing!"
Celtic
29 июня 2006, 15:01
The Golden Saloon

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden."

"Bullshit! There's no such place!"

Guy says, "Sure there is! It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers.

"Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?"

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"
V.
9 июля 2006, 00:45
Английский язык методом Илоны Давыдовой:
Первый урок, английский для начинающих:

"Три ведьмы разглядывают трое часов "Свотч". Какая из ведьм разглядывает какие часы?"

Теперь по английски!

Three witches watch three swatch watches. Which witch watches which swatch watch?

Второй урок, английский для продвинутых учеников:

"Три ведьмы-трансвеститки разглядывают три кнопочки на часах "Свотч".
Какая из ведьм-трансвеститок разглядывает какую кнопочку на часах "Свотч"?"

Теперь по английски!

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches.
Which switched witch watches which Swatch watch switch?

Третий и последний урок, английский для абсолютных профессионалов:

"Три швейцарских ведьмы-сучки, желающих изменить свой пол, разглядывают три кнопочки на часах "Свотч".
Какая из швейцарских ведьм-сучек, желающих изменить свой пол,разглядывает какую кнопочку на часах "Свотч"?"

Теперь по английски!

Three swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched swiss witch-bitches, watch three swiss Swatch watch switches.
Which swiss witch-bitch, which wishes to be a switched swiss witch-bitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch switch?

Локи
11 июля 2006, 19:38

V. написал: Английский язык методом Илоны Давыдовой:
Первый урок, английский для начинающих:

Публикуется в третий раз. Внимательнее, господа, внимательнее!

К слову, прошу ознакомиться с правилами данной темы (в начале треда) smile.gif
Они очень простые.
Нутый Чoк
31 июля 2006, 14:53
A list of credits for the show CarTalk:

Copyeditor - Adeline Moore    Спойлер!
Add a line more

Accounts payable - Ineeda Czech    Спойлер!
I need a check

Pollution Control - Maury Missions    Спойлер!
More emissions

Purchasing - Lois Bidder    Спойлер!
Lowest bidder

Statistician - Marge Innovera    Спойлер!
Margin of error

Russian chauffeur - Picov Andropov    Спойлер!
Pick up and drop off

Legal firm - Dewey, Cheethum, and Howe    Спойлер!
Do we cheat them and how
Нутый Чoк
31 июля 2006, 16:19
I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
miss steaks aye can knot see

A checker is a blessing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles to read
And aides me when eye rime

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should beу proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are not aloud

Source obscure
Нутый Чoк
22 августа 2006, 03:11
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named - Governmentium.

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead under-goes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
maskerader
25 августа 2006, 01:40

Нутый Чoк написал:

3d.gif 3d.gif 3d.gif
Нутый Чoк
6 сентября 2006, 02:30
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "Handywoman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately".
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats".
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus".
wanja
6 сентября 2006, 09:58
The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period." – "Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?" – "Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one... Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."
Нутый Чoк
10 сентября 2006, 16:49
As a rule a man is fool:
When it's hot, he wants it cool,
When it's cool he wants it hot
Always wanting what is not.

Source obscure.
Нутый Чoк
12 сентября 2006, 01:28
The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Нутый Чoк
12 сентября 2006, 01:32
2 anagrams:

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
becomes:
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

And

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." - Neil A. Armstrong
becomes:
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
Нутый Чoк
12 сентября 2006, 01:34

Нутый Чoк написал: I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
miss steaks aye can knot see

A checker is a blessing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles to read
And aides me when eye rime

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should beу proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are not aloud

Another version smile.gif

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
Нутый Чoк
14 сентября 2006, 03:25
- Was ist das wärmste Jäckchen?
- Cognäcchen!
Moon aka Sun
14 сентября 2006, 03:32
Какой-то двойной смысл зарыт в Jäckchen, но ускользает. Абиснись!
Нутый Чoк
14 сентября 2006, 04:26

Moon aka Sun написал: Какой-то двойной смысл зарыт в Jäckchen, но ускользает. Абиснись!

   Спойлер!
Игра слов, основанная на созвучии: Jäckchen - курточка (от Jacke), Cognäcchen - коньячок.
wanja
14 сентября 2006, 09:50
There sat in grass кузнечик
Just like an огуречик,
Just like an огуречик
Зелененький he was.

Imagine, imagine
Just like an огуречик
Imagine, imagine
Зелененький he was.

He ate just only травку,
Did never touch козявку,
Did never touch козявку,
И с butterfly дружил.

Imagine, imagine
Did never touch козявку,
Imagine, imagine
И с butterfly дружил.

But one there came лягушка
With very empty брюшко,
With very empty брюшко,
And she ate наш кузнец.

Imagine, imagine
With very empty брюшко,
Imagine, imagine
And she ate наш кузнец.

He never thought, гадал он
Did never ожидал он,
Did never ожидал он,
Что will be such конец.

Imagine, imagine
Did never ожидал он,
Imagine, imagine
Что will be such конец.
Tambu
15 сентября 2006, 02:24
The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, 'Whatever.'

Нутый Чoк
18 сентября 2006, 19:56
- Haven°t you heard about beercing?
Нутый Чoк
18 сентября 2006, 20:03
smile.gif
AC
18 сентября 2006, 20:42
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together again. I come again and
pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.
"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
Нутый Чoк
6 октября 2006, 14:27
Ever wonder why fire engines are red?

Because newspapers are read too.
Two and Two is four.
Four and four is eight.
Eight and four is twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ship.
Ships sail the sea.
There are fishes in the sea.
Fishes have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
Russians are red.
Fire engines are always rush'n.
Therefore fire engines are red.
Shane
14 октября 2006, 04:17
Что-то можно и на русском рассказывать, но я привожу оригинал:

"Baby
In
Total
Control of
Herself"

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!"

" - Well, if they can put one man on the Moon, why not all of them?"
Shane
16 октября 2006, 18:51
Домашнее задание по практике речи...

1 – Hello, Shane!
2 – Hi, Betty, nice to meet you, how do you do?
1 – Fine, thanks! I’ve heard you’ve got a new job. What are you now?
2 – I’m a child – minder.
1 – What made you take this job? Didn’t you like your previous one – a fireman
2 – No, I didn’t.
1 – And why didn’t you like it?
2 – I liked to safe people from the fire very much, but this job took me a lot of time, and I didn’t have any time for my private life. And my boyfriend didn’t like the smell of smoke.
1 – Oh, I see. And can you maintain that you have time for you private life now?
2 – No, I can’t. Looking after this naughty child is much more difficult than rescuing old lady from the fire. Thought my boyfriend (he is a plumber, you know) helps me, I thing about changing my job. I’m eager to be an electrician.
1 – You have chosen fire for children and you are going to change little kid for electricity. That’s sounds rather strange. I won’t be surprised if in a couple of weeks I’ll see you near my house in a traffic warden uniform
2 – No, I’m not gong to do it. But my boyfriend is. And what about your job? Do you still work as a priest?
1 – No, unfortunately I don’t. They have fired me, because I was too emotional while people were telling me about their sins.
2 – And what are you now, Betty?
1 – Well, now I’m a waitress. I serve drinks at the night pub. The visitors don’t have time to tell me about their problems, so I became much more composed. I think I’m even ready to look for some another job.
2 – My boss needs a driver. Do you want to get this job? I can tell him about you.
1 – Oh, that would be wonderful! There is one little problem: I can’t drive any cars but if you insist on it I can try.
2 – Oh, it’s not a problem. The previous driver couldn’t do it too, the boss have been used to it. So I’ll call you when I find out anything about it.
1 – Ok, thanks. I’ll be waiting for you to phone me. Bye!
2 - Bye-bye!

AlphaMale
22 октября 2006, 09:10
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Moishe."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Moishe every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the
pro-tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy ehh?
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"
Passenger: " Mmm, not many like that around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his widow."
Evribada
1 ноября 2006, 22:23
.
Нутый Чoк
3 ноября 2006, 12:45
Ein Musikstudent will ein Zimmer mieten. Die Schlummermutter weist ihn ab: "Musikstudent kommt gar nicht infrage!" "Wieso?", will der Mann wissen. Die Frau: "Ich hatte schon einmal einen Musikstudenten. Der kam erst sehr Beethoevlich, dann wurde er bei meiner Tochter Mozartlich, brachte ihr einen Strauss mit, nahm sie beim Händel und führte sie mit Liszt über den Bach in die Haydn. Dort wurde er reger und sagte: 'Frisch geWagnert ist hald gewonnen'. Er konnte nicht Brahmsen. Ja, und jetzt haben wir einen kleinen Mendelssohn und wissen nicht - wo Hindemith."
Evribada
15 ноября 2006, 09:19
Друг вчера прислал. Надеюсь, не боян.

SERENE JAPANESE COMPUTER MESSAGES
>
> Here are 16 actual error messages reportedly seen on the computer
>screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku. Aren't these better
>than "your computer has performed an illegal operation"?
>
> ...........................................
>
> The Web site you seek
> cannot be located,
> but countless more exist.
> --------------------------------------------
> Chaos reigns within.
> Reflect, repent, and reboot.
> Order shall return.
> ---------------------------------------------
> Program aborting:
> Close all that you have worked on.
> You ask far too much.
> ------------------------------------------------
> Windows NT crashed.
> I am the Blue Screen of Death.
> No one hears your screams.
> -------------------------------------
> Yesterday it worked.
> Today it is not working.
> Windows is like that.
> -------------------------------------
> Your file was so big.
> It might be very useful.
> But now it is gone.
> -------------------------------------
> Stay the patient course.
> Of little worth is your ire.
> The network is down.
> ----------------------------------------------
> A crash reduces your expensive
> computer to a simple stone.
> -----------------------------------------------
> Three things are certain:
> Death, taxes and lost data.
> Guess which has occurred?
> ----------------------------------------------
> You step in the stream,
> but the water has moved on.
> This page is not here.
> -------------------------------------------------
> Out of memory.
> We wish to hold the whole sky,
> But we never will.
> ------------------------------------------------
> Having been erased,
> The document you're seeking
> must now be retyped.
> -------------------------------------------------
> Serious error.
> All shortcuts have disappeared.
> -------------------------------------------------
> Screen......Mind..........
> Both are blank.
blades of grass
21 ноября 2006, 04:16
Это даже не боян, это склисс, он ничей(с) smile.gif
Это было тут в дветыщи каком-то году (наверное первом) вместе с Disorder in the court smile.gif Собственноручно переводила, старательно укладываясь в 5-7-5, поэтому и помню smile.gif Но в архивах не сохранилось,значит не считается wink.gif
blades of grass
21 ноября 2006, 07:45
даже нашла http://forum.exler.ru/ubb/Archives/Archive...2-5-003740.html

а вот переводила небось не здесь, запамятовала. но то, что я не максимус, помню точно )))
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